Conflicting Convictions
by Sara Jaye
Summary: It was his fault N was becoming more and more unsure of himself by the day, and the boy didn't even realize what he was doing.


Weekly Prompt #5: I really don't mind what happens now and then, as long as you'll be my friend in the end

* * *

It was all _his_ fault. Him with his bright smile and shiny eyes and overwhelming kindness. If Oshawott hadn't loved that boy so much N wouldn't be feeling the way he was. Confused, insecure, unsure if he was doing the right thing after all. And worst of all, even as he walked through the forest surrounded by his friends, he felt _lonely._

N had no need for human companionship. He didn't need to reiterate all he'd been taught to himself, he knew it to be true. His Pokemon friends were all he needed in life. Yet as he caught sight of the familiar sky-blue jacket and soft brown hair, his heart leapt in his chest and he cursed himself. _Just walk away, you don't need-_

A twig snapped beneath his foot, and the boy immediately turned to face him. _Damn it!_ Those stupid brown eyes looked up at him, surprised and...happy?

"What are you doing here?" the boy asked.

N coughed slightly, straightening his shoulders and looking down at the boy once more. _It's your fault I feel like this!_ he wanted to snap, but swallowed, keeping his composure.

"Hello, Hilbert. I could ask you the same thing." Samurott stood proudly at the boy's side, eyeing N warily. The Samurott he'd met as an Oshawott who'd sung the praises of his trainer, the one who'd made such a dent in N's otherwise smooth idealogy.

"I'm gathering firewood," Hilbert said. "It's such a nice night out, too nice to spend sleeping indoors at the Pokemon Center."

"Every night is too nice a night to spend indoors," N said with a slight, bitter laugh. "Your Pokemon look happy, too. How often do you let them out of their Pokeballs to roam about?"

"Actually, I've been doing it more often lately," Hilbert said. "Now that spring's here and it's getting warmer out. Simisear and Leavanny seem to love it especially."

"Ah, yes...Leavanny." N eyed the leafy Pokemon critically. "How long ago did your Swadloon evolve, again?"

"While I was exploring the Desert Resort," Hilbert said. "Kind of a weird place for a friendship evolution, it's so hot and uncomfortable."

"Maybe for you," N chuckled, gesturing to Hilbert's jeans and long-sleeved coat. "But grass-types will enjoy any warmth they can get, even in a desert. And besides, the location hardly matters...if he evolved, he must have felt truly happy to be beside you."

"I guess...I caught him as a Sewaddle in Pinwheel Forest and I'd only had him about a week. I didn't expect to bond with him so fast." Hilbert blushed. "I-I'm glad I did, though!"

"And your Ciccino knows Return," N pointed out. "An attack that increases in power the more the Pokemon loves their trainer."

"All of Bianca's Pokemon know it," Hilbert said. "Mine can barely stand up to hers anymore!"

"Hm." Bianca, the girl who had supposedly realized the sad truth that not everyone could become strong. And yet according to Hilbert the bond she had with her Pokemon was as strong as his. In fact, the more he traveled the more Pokemon he met who kept saying they loved their trainers.

_So Hilbert's not so special after all. Perhaps I've been-**NO!** I'm right, I know I am, these trainers are only the exceptions! A few out of many thousands doesn't prove anything!_

"N?" The touch of the boy's hand on his arm made him yelp, jumping back slightly.

"Sorry, I was just thinking for a moment," he stammered. "So...Hilbert. That's six badges you have now? I'd have thought you'd be on your way to Icirrus City."

"I'll get there eventually. Right now I want to explore that cave on Route Six I couldn't get to before," Hilbert said. "Champion Alder gave me the hidden machine for Surf and I just taught it to Samurott."

"I see." N frowned. "I've always wondered...do Pokemon truly enjoy being made to learn mostly useless moves that only enable them to perform tasks for their trainers?" Hilbert blinked, obviously caught off guard by such a question.

"Well...maybe moves like Cut. But Samurott loves to swim anyway, so I don't think he'd mind me hitching a ride on his back," he said. "Would you, Samurott?" The Pokemon shook its head a little, nuzzling slightly into Hilbert's side.

"Hm. Perhaps you're right," N said quietly. "Surfing and flying come naturally to some Pokemon anyway. But still..."

"Still..."

"Never mind." He shook his head. "So...what exactly do you hope to find in this cave, Hilbert?"

"Aside from new Pokemon, I'm not sure! An old man by the lake said it's home to some kind of legend, though, that might be fun to learn more about," the boy said. "Hey, I just had a thought! Want to come with me? We can explore together, it might be fun!"

"W-what...?" Was he hearing right? Did Hilbert just...ask him to travel with him? The boy he'd been at odds with, who had even become angry with him, would willingly spend time with him? "Ah...well, I..." He frowned. "You do remember who I am, don't you?"

"Yeah, but..." Hilbert smiled. "You know something, N? For the king of such a crazy organization you don't seem like such a bad guy. I actually really liked talking to you just now...our ideas about Pokemon and people might be different, but that doesn't mean we can't get along otherwise."

"But..." N trailed off, at a complete loss for what to say. He had to be dreaming, no person in their right mind would say that about their sworn enemy. What would the boy's friends think if they knew he felt this way? His throat tightened as he forced himself to look away. "I...I have some important things to take care of, Hilbert," he said.

"Oh..." The boy looked disappointed for a moment, then smiled again. "Well, maybe some other time, then!"

"Yes...maybe..." N watched Hilbert remove his jacket and bundle the firewood he'd gathered in it. "Well...I suppose I'll be seeing you, then."

"Sure thing, N," Hilbert said. "You know...call me crazy, but I almost don't mind what happens at the end of all this. I just hope you and I can be friends someday." And he turned and walked away, leaving N more confused and frustrated than ever.

_Damn that boy! I won't let him continue to make me question myself or confuse me with overtures of friendship!_ He grabbed his pack and ran back towards Chargestone Cave. If he moved quickly he would make it to Icirrus City long before the boy did, and then...then, he would have the power he needed.

He was through playing around. It was time to show him, and everyone else, that he meant business.


End file.
